Aliens Stole My Underpants

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My Step-Dad is an Alien

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The Drinking Fountain

The drinking fountain squirted me.
It shot right up my nose.
It felt as if I'd stuck my nostril
on the garden hose.

It squirted water in my eye
and also in my ear.
I'm having trouble seeing
and it's really hard to hear.

The water squirted east and west.
It squirted north and south.
Upon my shirt, my pants, my hair,
but nothing in my mouth.

I'm sure that soon they'll fix it
but, until then, let me think...
just whom can I convince that they
should come and have a drink?
--Kenn Nesbitt

While Strolling Down the Beach Today

While strolling down the beach today
I came upon a lamp.
It was dusty, it was dirty,
it was dingy, it was damp.

It appeared that all it needed
to restore it was a scrub,
so I dug it from the salty sand
and gave a little rub.

In a moment it was glistening.
Then, right before my eyes
there appeared a purple genie
of incalculable size.

He was massive and magnificent
and glorious and grand,
and he bowed and said dramatically,
"Your wish is my command."

It was then I did the stupid thing
I now regret I did,
for I know I'll never be again
an ordinary kid.

I considered just a moment,
then I looked him in the eye
and I asked that giant genie,
"Would you please make me a pie?"
--Kenn Nesbitt

Bubble Bath

I emptied my bubble bath into the tub,
Determined to get myself thoroughly scrubbed.
The bottle had said "ONLY ON CAP OR TWO",
So I poured in the lot to see what it would do!

That still didn't seem quite enough to get clean,
So I followed it up with another fifteen.
Then three bars of soap and a dozen shampoo,
And two broken bath bombs to finish my brew!

I'll cut to the chase, this did not turn out well,
As the burbling, foaming bath bubbles did swell!
It wasn't all bad, I was clean smelt sweet,
But outside my soap suds had buried the street!
--Gareth Lancaster